Processing - Appointments, Relationships and Food

I slept better after writing here about the upsetting appointment with New Guy. I sure appreciate all of your responses. I guess the thing with me now is this - there is a divide (duh!!). The adult parts of me understand exactly what happened to New Guy. We discussed it in-depth via email. He really felt the pain and rage that I was feeling when the little one just would not STOP. And he got sucked in because he felt scared for me. I get that. But the children are different. They are smart and know what the adults think, they understand New Guy's words, they understand why I was so angry and desperate and that I am sorry and I do not hate them, but... the little girl loves New Guy and she DID get hurt when he said what he said. I can't pretend that she didn't. However, even the little girl understands that there is no pattern of this kind of behavior from him and that the adults (including Jenny, who has a nose like a blood hound) do not detect a hidden agenda. The little girl remembers that New Guy IMMEDIATELY said that he was wrong and that the anger he felt should have been directed at the abusers who caused this mess to begin with. This is not the same as what happened with the last therapist. Not at all. Even the kids know that, but there was still hurt. So I guess we just see what develops. As you all know, my children ('outside children') are on vacations from school now and this makes it harder to communicate with the inside children because I guess I kind of squelch them as much as I can when my kids are home. Because I can't look crazy in front of my kids. It might scare them or make them feel insecure. But there is one thing I can do. The inside little girl who got hurt in therapy often likes to come with me into the kitchen and cook things. This matches up perfectly with my daughters being out of school.

I often prepare food at night so there will be some decent food ready when people start waking up. I even get a jump on the next evening's dinner when I can because I never know how I will be when I wake up. And I HATE it when my family is reduced to ordering pizza or microwaving highly processed store-bought foods from the depths of the freezer. Yuck to that!! That is no food for growing children (nor for an overweight husband or any other creature). Wednesday night I prepped a pot of leftover ham and fresh veggies and we ate it for last night's dinner. There are enough leftovers, but not all of my kids are fond of leftovers. I don't like to waste anything, but really, this is leftovers made from leftovers. :-) So I made a pot a homemade chicken noodle soup as well so each child can choose what they like. I made fresh pasta for the noodles. None of this pasta machine stuff, either. We're talking mixed from scratch and rolled, kneaded and cut by hand. It turned out beautifully. I will warm rolls in the oven while the pots warm on the burners above and then we will have a meal satisfactory to all. I also brewed plenty of my special, health-enhancing ice tea (of the green variety) and I boiled and peeled eggs for snacks or lunch items. I have some other ideas to keep the little girl happy, too. I took a hen out of the freezer and dusted off my old slow-cooker. And I think I will make a tub of peanut butter cookie dough for the refrigerator. I have a butter scooper and my daughters like to make cookies from the homemade tubs of refrigerator dough. Just get a scoop and put it on the cookie sheet. Easy and delicious. And also much less disgusting for the children's health than store-bought snacks filled with trans-fats, preservatives and food coloring. I use quite a few healthy substitutes in my baker's recipes, too - I cut down sugars and doctor whatever I can without ruining the taste and texture. I especially like to eliminate ugly fats in exchange for healthy oils rich in Omega 3 Fatty Acids. This sort of thing can be a lot of fun. The little girl likes it, so at least I have that.