If there is a god, in any way shape or form, I will not be sodomized while I sleep today. I just want to sleep in peace. I'm bringing the therapist with me. He said he is here for me and cares about me and won't leave me, so I'm jumping on it. I got a visit from this boy while I slept Wednesday morning. He was lost. Desperatley lost in a dark and very scary place and he needed help. I heard my therapist talking to him on the phone and telling him to come home. Then he was talking to me through the walls of a child's playroom. He was so afraid. He was sobbing terribly and was so very terrified and desperate. We kept asking him where he was. Then... there was so much pain and it woke me up. It's colder here now. The air is different and the light, too. I don't like this time of year. I'm so afraid. Bad things. Someone hurt me and then someone washed me and I was very afraid. I dread the shower. I dread what might happen while I sleep. I wish my therapist could sleep in my room. I want to grab him and never, ever let him go. Even Rambo says it would be okay to do that. I just want to feel safe. This is not right. It's not fair. Against all odds, I've made an actual fucking life and I would like to live it without being attacked this way.