Thursday, October 29, 2009

Baby in a Bucket

(Dear Therapist,)

I swore I would not email you. I promised. I'm going to sleep like shit now and I will be tormented for opening my big yap. I'm here. And I HURT. I HURT SO FUCKING BAD YOU WOULDN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT. I sent an email looking for a new therapist and Rambo is saying, "No! Don't do that. They're all the same." And the little girl is on the floor sobbing for you to come and pick her up. She doesn't want to go to an orphanage. And me? I'm drunk and I'm going to bed so the peanut gallery and the nightmares can torture me while I sleep. Monday morning I dreamed that I had a little baby girl who was as small as my hand. She was a pitiful sight. And I had no milk for her, so I had to hand her over to be nursed by a spider instead. There is not enough alcohol to help me. I should just die. I should have never even been born to begin with. You aren't sending anything for that little girl, either. I know you're not. I'll bet you didn't even read that email. Why am I worthless? WHY?
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8 comments:

  1. KahlessOctober 29, 2009 at 4:59 PM

    You are NOT fucking worthless.

    I am always right so believe me.

    You are not worthless.

    ;-)

    Your fucking family are worthless.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousOctober 30, 2009 at 12:33 AM

    No human being is worthless.

    What others see in you, may see in you, or not - pfff.
    You are you.
    You is you.
    You are worth.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ethereal HighwayOctober 30, 2009 at 1:14 AM

    Thank you K and M. I don't want to be worthless. I'm in pain. So much pain.

    ReplyDelete
  4. quacks like a duckOctober 30, 2009 at 1:17 AM

    My daughter had a dream the other night... she was in the grocery store and was going through the aisles eating tons of candy. She noticed that her belly was swelling from the overindulgence... but then it turned out that she was pregnant and gave birth to a tiny, slick, purple baby no bigger than a kitten.
    The dream really scared her.
    Dreams about tiny babies are almost always scary I think.
    -e

    p.s. You are so not worthless.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ethereal HighwayOctober 30, 2009 at 1:18 AM

    Thank you, Else. And I'm glad your daughter has a mother to hear her dreams.

    ReplyDelete
  6. HarrietOctober 30, 2009 at 10:29 PM

    I've had too much wine so I can't comment coherently, but I promise to come back and do that.

    But I do know, no matter how much I have had to drink, that you are not worthless.

    However, I am worthless so my words really have no meaning.

    I'm sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  7. GraceOctober 30, 2009 at 11:26 PM

    (((LYNN))) I know that pain... you are not worthless! You are worth everything!!!!!!!!
    And more!
    ~ Grace

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ethereal HighwayOctober 31, 2009 at 1:19 AM

    {{{{{{{{Harriet}}}}}}}}

    {{{{{{{{Grace}}}}}}}}

    ReplyDelete

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