I really should not be sitting on my ass in front of the computer. To me, it is daytime. Yeah. Since I gave up night sleeping all together. That means I should be folding the clothes, taking out the trash, etc. Even though I got derailed by crap, I've still been getting things done. I got BIG things done - the tax mess, an insurance mess, AND still kept up with the little things that will further my agenda. Now I am settling in with the kids for summer. They all did well. Even the little one whose teacher warned she might not. I took the easy way out and offered her money to pass the year end exams. I figured she wouldn't be able to do it had she really been as inattentive as her teacher claimed. She didn't just pass them, she smoked them. I guess I know my kid. :-) Sometimes appearances can be deceiving, dear teacher. Sometimes smart girls are flighty, active and social. Not all of them are quiet and contemplative.

I got the kids new bicycles. The littlest rode her old one right into the ground and her big sisters outgrew theirs in a big, tall way. I also went out with them Thursday and picked up the books for their summer reading lists. This weekend is supposed to begin a painting project for the bedroom of A and J (who both made the honor roll again). Friday I want to box up all of the good clothing we don't wear anymore for a local homeless shelter which will be collecting curbside on Saturday. I have been doing things and have more to do. I hope I can keep going. I'm trying and I've done well considering the circumstances (and one beer night). I hope I can continue. It bothers me that the stuff still comes at night. I'm thinking that since it's here anyway, I could put words to my answers to the therapist's question of the 'why' of the drag queen attraction (see last post). I do know the answers*, but another part of my mind says, "Big whoop. Why do you want to waste your time writing about that now? You have actual THINGS to do. Let's go then, and get to them. Chop chop, woman. Get off your butt."



* The 'lady' in the grocery said she likes being with people who let her be who she is. Yes, I know what she means. I like that, too. I couldn't be who I was before, so I had to become something else to protect me from pain. Now I appreciate the safety and comfort of those who will accept me when I present what I became, even if it's not entirely natural. So, yeah... I understand. And yes, I will also admit that sometimes the man who feels the 'safest' to me is the one who wears makeup and high heels. But I get that and it's not news to me. Similarly (but not really, as cross dressing does not indicate sexual orientation), many of my best 'girlfriends' have been guy-friends who were not sexually interested in women. Those men felt good to me. Another version of the feeling of built-in safety. Gay men are not the freaks some straight people think they are. They are just regular people who are gay and some of them, as with any other group of people, are very nice and make good friend material. So... if their very gayness makes me feel safe... why buddy up with straights if I am more inclined to men, but not interested in sex? It's just what happens.