I had a meltdown and had to remove my blog for a bit. I had a meltdown because the twins are getting better and are now recovering nicely like I wanted for them. So why the meltdown? One child in here has missed the therapist very desperately. He has been generous and kind with emails and phone calls, but she wants him physically and misses the safe comfort of his body. She often felt like he was mostly gone from us.

Another child, one who was hurt by the old therapist's callousness, was afraid to go back to therapy and she knew that the twins' recovery meant we would go back. It seems that in spite of the patience of the therapist we have now, this girl cannot forget the horrible pain she was once subjected to in a therapy. It helped her when our current therapist called, understood what was happening, and said that he loves her (specifically HER), will not hurt her and will not give up on her. And this after she had a major freak-out on him. I wonder why he is so different. I don't know why, but he is very kind and tries really hard to help people and not hurt them. I'm very glad for that.

I'm also glad that I was able to clean up some around here and cook a really nice meal in the feelings of safety with him. I also heard from my son that there is a terrible viral epidemic in the prison that has required a quarantine. He was one of the first ones to fall ill, but to him it was a mild tummy-ache with no affect and it went away over the course of a day. It is proving to be much more serious for the other inmates. So I count my blessings right now.

1. Our therapist really does care and is still here to help us.

2. My twins are recovering from a remarkable surgery that will change the course of their lives for the better.

3. The teachers of my youngest daughter have sent us emails confirming that she is completing all of her assignments for school.

4. My boy has inherited what my sister calls the 'super immunity'. He is okay.

5. I am blessed with a strong husband who is a truly decent human being who loves me and our children. We love him, too.

6. And, surprisingly enough in all of the recent upheaval, a very brave part of me showed up to save us. She very courageously defied the peanut gallery (inner critic) and she once again wrote fiction for us in order to save our life. We now have copious notes and a storyboard. She built a whole new world for us when we could no longer stand the one we were in. She loves us and won't let us die. The work in progress is beautiful and we love it and its creator.

7. I felt so good on Monday that I laid my tired ass in bed all morning so I could read a book and eat some chocolates in order to nourish my soul. I did this by the very kind, understanding and willing sweat of my husband's brow. Which is partly why I was so delighted to cook a nice meal. I want to give him something and not just take when I fall down. I'm glad he is nice to me, but more than anything - I am glad that he is a wonderful father for our children. He doesn't know that Rambo chose him for me, but now that I understand things better, I think he would be flattered if he knew. Maybe someday I will tell him.