In regard to the last post -- I really did smell something. I smelled the past. It was a rabbit hole. I cannot even begin to tell you how grateful I am for my current therapist. Yep. I fell in the hole. But this time it was different. I fell into the hole of the teenage girl and he came and found us there. He answered her many emails and then others read his responses and also the original emails that were sent from here. We came to understand things about the teenager that were beyond us before. We understood because he responded. He even returned a crazy phone message at 11:00 at night on his day off when we were in crisis and the husband called him out of desperation. If you only knew the things the teenager wrote to him when she was in control... and yet he was clean, decent and caring in response. Things are changing inside once again. The most resistant and hostile member of this system is falling in love with the therapist and no one, not even Rambo, is trying to stop it from happening.

And yet, miraculously, work on the house continues. I don't know how that is possible in light of all that has been going on inside. Or maybe I do. I know some of my 'power' is still due to dissociation. The proof of that is in my email account. I also know some of my functioning can be chocked up to my recent beer consumption (same as dissociation). The thing that impresses me most and gives me hope? A lot of it is from actual loving support from the therapist. I would love to spill every detail, but I have to go to sleep now because my new carpet and its installers arrive early in the morning. But my soul remembers every nano-second of being held by the therapist and all of me understands the significance of his loving acceptance of the teenage girl in spite of her very foul mouth. She wrote some things to him that would make most people blush and then run for the hills. But he didn't run. He responded with love and understanding. And I am grateful. I was first humiliated (because of what the teenager wrote), but now I am grateful. Even more-so than before. I love him. I really do. It makes me feel better that he loves me, too. It is a safe love. Safe, clean and warm. And no inappropriate words from a confused teenager can change that. You cannot imagine how grateful I am. He won't hurt us. He just won't. He didn't take her bait. He chose to continue to give us REAL love instead.