I know very few people read here anymore, but what the hell. I'll write anyway.

I'm worried what will happen on Tuesday. The therapist has been wonderful about staying in touch with me in the middle of all the flashback chaos, but... what if things go wrong? I managed to write him a few lines about the contents of the flashback, but I'm not sure I will be able to speak about it in person. I don't even know for sure who will show up for therapy for fuck's sake. And that right there just makes me want to dissociate. Or drink (which I have been doing in generous amounts). And it makes me want to do anything else that might get me out of this place.

I know why it is so hard to allow him to try to help me. I know why. And I know why Rambo hated Old Guy so much and attacked him so viciously at every turn after he fucked me over. AND I FUCKING LOVE RAMBO FOR THAT.

This is to Old Guy from Rambo and the Teenage Girl: Fuck off. We don't buy you and your stupid Karmic bullshit. But we know YOU buy it. And we know how you fucked us and we know that YOU know it, too. So enjoy your next incarnation as an inchworm. We hope you like dirt. EAT IT, FUCKER!!!