Love and Money

I deleted the last post, but I just now put it back. I deleted it because it seemed like some weird combination of TMI and boring stuff, but I guess that is because I have been so busy that I did not have enough spare time in which to properly consider the thoughts and feelings I had about that post after I put it up. I took time to consider these things tonight and I guess I just posted what is.

This has been a very productive week for me. I am very excited about the week's business dealings and the new contacts. I love my new lawyer (Mr. M) who feeds my enthusiasm and excitement for my business, love the tax lady he sent me to for a very specific thing, loved talking to the old lawyer who does personal but not corporate, loved bumping into the best tenant I have ever had when I went out to dinner with my family, loved being in touch with my old broker who is also my family's friend for life, love my husband who works so hard to support our family and still stays next to me even when I'm freaky, and... LOVE LOVE LOVE MY KIDS -- inner and outer. I loved the whole week and I feel a new zest for life. And all of that has in turn generated yet another good idea. And I have a professional friend with whom I can discuss this matter and I plan to invite him to lunch next week. His opinions are always honest, smart and very valuable. Sometimes I get new and better ideas just by listening to him talk -- EVEN when he punches holes in the original version of the idea. He's a good friend to have.

And what has facilitated all of this comfortable and happy competency? Well, that is a bit of a long story and difficult to put into words in the short time I have in which to make this post, but I can tell you what did NOT facilitate it, because that is short and easy. It was not facilitated by dissociation. Not by the dissociation of psyche drugs and not by the dissociation of telling inner little kids to be quiet. And it was CERTAINLY not facilitated by any of the CBT/ DBT crap that my therapist is helping me to heal from (and yes, I also love my therapist and he totally gets a mention here!!!!).

Ironic how I was thinking all of this and then bumped into a story about Marsha Linehan, creator of DBT. I'm not going to link the story. I'm sure all interested parties probably read the same blogs that I do and have already bumped into it. Anyway, seems that dear Marsha has diagnosed herself with having suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder in the past and this is how she came up with her 'shut up and act normal' line of therapy. I still say great for folks who may have otherwise killed themselves or something (and I truly mean that), but I still resent how it ultimately invalidates those who are striving for the total honesty of true healing and not just immediate survival. I was not at all surprised to read this new information about Marsha's personal mental and emotional health. I have LONG suspected it and those who have been reading here for a long time already know that. I suspected it because I know that those who have not truly healed their own wounds are some of the first to inflict secondary wounds upon others in their efforts to 'help'. Does this make me feel sorry for her? No, it does not. Not at all. But I do feel glad for those she has helped to keep living another day (those who needed to be trained to dissociate just to keep breathing because they couldn't find anyone to offer them something more) and I also feel sad for those she has harmed (those whose capacities for healing were greater at the time they sought help). I still can't stand the skank. I am all about equal opportunity and I reserve the right to despise certain individuals (abusers) EVEN IF they are 'mentally ill'. Ditto for abusers who are women, gay, black, disabled, etc. I do not discriminate in this arena. I'm all about equality. Bite me, Marsha. If you were a mentally ill-black-Jewish-lesbian-immigrant-quadruple amputee, I still wouldn't be able to stand you because I think you suck. I know that is not politically correct, but I frankly don't give a fuck. And that is why I am not an obsese bullshitter like you and why I am not carrying my baggage in my body because my mind and spirit were not successfully 'therapized'. I was able to reject you and your bullshit. Fuck off, you nasty cow. I rule, you drool.