It's been flashback city in here. It's been quite a while since that happened and it scares me that it still can. It has a lot to do with the stuff I wrote about Easter in the last post. By the time I made it into therapy Tuesday night, I was pretty much on my last legs. I lost control and a scared little girl came out and latched on to the man she recognizes as her 'real mommy' and told him that she was scared that the other mother (the bio-mother who everyone in here refers to as either 'The Mother' or 'that nasty cunt') would come to her now-house and hurt her. I really don't know what I would do if I didn't have such a special person as my therapist. He is very kind and doesn't hurt children or reject them. He never makes me feel like an idiot when things like this happen, either. Things continued a bit into the next day and I finally placed a call to him and we are working on a plan for the little girl to be safe from 'The Mother/ that nasty cunt' over Easter. She trusts the therapist and feels much better after hearing what he had to say. If I can swing it, maybe I will share more later. I hope I will be, and stay, well enough to do that. Right now I am just dealing with getting myself to bed and handling the day that awaits me when I wake up. It contains a couple of potential triggers for the little one, but I have to do the necessary things to care for my children (the 'outside' ones - my babies). And so... I will put the little turtles given to me by my therapist into my pockets and I will go. I will travel the interstate (trigger) and take my baby to her doctor appointment (trigger) so we can make sure she doesn't have a serious tummy problem. The husband is coming with us. I'm very sure that will help as I still can't really go too far away all by myself. Plus we will be going in Rambo's new truck. Yes, there is that. The children in here like Rambo. He protects them and they feel good in his truck. Plus, I will have the therapist's turtles and the memory of the sound of his voice and we will be okay. I also have the knowledge that I will never abdicate my responsibility for my own freedom. I will work with the therapist and we will make the right plan and the girl will be safe and get free from the torment of The Mother/ that nasty cunt. We can do this. I have hope and help and the help I have is truly kind and safe and will not hurt me.