Lipstick and Roses

I made it through my therapy appointment. A lot of things led up to being able to do so, but I did it and no one quit therapy. :-) As a matter of fact, three fifths of me loves New Guy and thinks he can help. One of those fifths even sent him roses Monday with the assistance of the other two fifths. A fourth fifth has a man crush on New Guy and also thinks he is a good therapist for us. And I guess the man crush is okay, because this fifth cannot be blinded by such and will roar to action if he is ever needed. The fifth fifth (teenager)... well, she ain't a happy camper. She ended up hijacking the appointment. But I was able to hang on to co-consciousness fairly well. I felt embarrassed, though, because I could not control the things being said and that is a very hard feeling to deal with. It's downright freaky. I remember she told him that Old Guy made her feel like garbage and she is not going to let anyone do that to her anymore. She asked him if he could imagine someone doing that to the little girl and informed him that she would never give him that chance because no one here is garbage and we refuse to be treated as such EVER AGAIN and no one will get the chance. New Guy told her that he thought she was empowering herself with this decision and asked her if she understood the difference between people making the mistake of saying wrong words and people who have unhealthy intentions. Yeah, she understands the difference between New Guy and Old Guy. She told him she understands there is a difference, but that she was still too worried because if she and the others did happen to misjudge and someone got hurt again, the consequences could be so dire that it makes taking that kind of risk seem very unwise. She also called Old Guy some very colorful names and advanced the theory that he smoked too much dope in his day and has suffered brain damage and stunted growth as a result. New Guy inquired about the ferocity of her rage and suggested that there might be other feelings she has about what Old Guy did. She said Old Guy had made her very afraid and she refuses to be put in a position where someone might send her back to that awful place and that she will NEVER live there again. That's what I remember hearing. I'm sure I missed some stuff, because that's what happens, but at least I was still around.

Strangely, toward the end, the teenager noticed the time and said, "I gotta go now." Yes, she tried to leave and go home while still in control. New Guy was onto her and stopped her at the door (thank gawd). He asked, "Lynn, do you know where you are?" *I* was thinking, 'Yes. In your office. Going home now, but things aren't quite right.' The teenager answered, "Of course I know where I am. I'm not a retard." (At which point I wanted the ground to just please open up and swallow us to spare me humiliation even while I was glad that her candor revealed her.) New Guy led her back to the couch and helped me come back. And then he took a rose from the delivery we sent him and gave it to me for the little girl. Roses are her favorite and she, Jenny and I really like the smell of them.

And that's what happened. Though the teenager is not qualified to run my household, her recent periods of having control have not been all bad. I got a facial, a pedicure and some new lipstick out of the deal. And I guess I'll take what I can get. The best thing? I remember the appointment and know what happened in it even though I didn't get to control it. And New Guy was nice to her.