He is the mother I deserved to have at the very start of things. Why can't a dude be a lady and I be his/ her baby?

I'm finally going to bed. But I didn't write in my fiction this time and I'm telling myself that I can coast this way for one night since I wrote extra words the night before. Sunday night is when I do the shopping, etc. And I drive myself and do everything alone. If this sounds like no big deal to you and you don't understand, please know that I do not resent you. I'm glad for you and I ENVY YOU. I guess I'm going to bed now. I'm bringing New Guy. I don't even care if that makes me a baby. I don't care. I just feel lucky that he responded to me over a holiday weekend and didn't even act like I'm a pest. Instead, he wanted me to know that he loves me and believes in me. What a coincidence. I love him and believe in him, too. And so, in my heart (and hopefully in my mind), I will be bringing him along. He will be with me in my bed and I will hear his heart and all will be right with the world. Please. Let that be what happens. I have so little control once I begin to drift off. Especially when I need real rest. Please no nightmares or intrusions to wake me and disturb my soul. Just New Guy. I just want New Guy. He is like an electric blanket in a bitter and jarring cold snap.