Okay. I'm crying again. But for different reasons than what I have been lately. Those who know me know that Jenny is the one who communicates with me via songs. Jenny is the one who has been the least connected with me recently because... well, because sometimes she is suicidal. I guess something in me sent her away because of what was about to go down. Just in case. Yet, she is never completely gone. When she gets sent away, then she communicates through Rambo because he is the protector and is a safe filter for her communications because he won't let us die. I got a message. A song message. I assume it is in response to what happened last night (see the last post). Is it from Jenny? Yes. Is she back or did it come through Rambo? I think it came through Rambo. I think it was a joint effort. I think... is there some integration happening between my intuition (Jenny) and my integrity (Rambo)? In any case, to me, this song and video is a shot of strength to the children that is sent to them by their real parents (Rambo and Jenny) and it makes me cry. I don't yet know if it is with relief or with gratitude. Both, I guess. Because the little ones want to be FREE. And to know that grown-ups want to help them just makes me cry.
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I cried my eyes out, because I feel my inner child died so long ago. Why can someone tell me why children must endure so much pain? I tried so hard to pretend my past didn't happen. I just go to a "safe place" and not remember. Years in therapy and I'm still not well. I think of you often and believe in you. What we do to survive saved us for a reason I believe. Hugs my friend. Be safe
ReplyDeleteYour inner child did not die, Wanda. She is where the flashbacks and the misery come from. Children endure the kind of pain you and I endure because the adults who were responsible for them abused and neglected them instead of giving them love and care. Pretending and going to the 'safe place where we can't remember' is what makes us feel like the child has died. Years in therapy cannot make us well unless it includes whatever elements we need it to include to be able to breathe life into that child, give her the REAL safety of remembering the truth and do it in a warm and accepting place where REAL safety is honored and respected. And you know what, Wanda? I think therapy does not HAVE to be the place where we find what we need. Some people find it in other places, too. I think you will find something, Wanda. I really do. And you are right. We survived for a reason. And the very best part is that WE get to decide what the reason is. Thank you for believing in me. I believe in you, too. And in Alice. She really is a fine girl. Don't give up, Wanda.
ReplyDeleteI love this song...my daughter and I sing it together all the time...I'm crying too. There is a reason we survived. I know it too, Lynn. And a reason we met. We'll have our independence day. We will...I just had a shit moment...and now I feel better already! Cuz a u!
ReplyDelete(((Lynn & Jenny & Rambo))))
I love you so much, Grace.
ReplyDeleteAnd I just noticed...that could totally be us in the video...1 blonde and 1 brunette...still loving you tonight and always ~ G.
ReplyDeleteAh, the vid is blocked to uk viewers.
ReplyDeleteSo glad Jenny communicated this song! Hugs!
ReplyDelete