Blog Pals, I need your help. Please help me remember what's really going on.

I just sent this:

New Guy, I hope I am not stressing you out by sending another email.
It is certainly not my intention. I have realized something very
important and I don't want it to get away. Please keep this
information for me as I KNOW there is a part of me who doesn't want
me to have it and will do anything to get it away from me. Now it
will be too late because I have told you and nothing it can do to
me can suck this email away from you after I send it. It's this -
There is an ulterior motive in here and it is about Old Guy. There is
a secret reason why I am afraid to stop talking to him. As long as
he is involved here, I will not have enough of my memory to settle
my shit. Some part of me that is terrified of remembering is using
him as a shield. It knows that his presence encourages the
dissociation because telling will cause abandonment just like it
did when he rejected the teenage girl. If memory emerges, then he,
the mother, might lash out and destroy us. And so he has to stay to
protect from the pain and horror of remembering. Get it? I don't
know who is doing this, but I have figured it out before and
then... I forgot. This almost seems like the work of the Peanut
Gallery, but it doesn't feel malicious, so it's probably not them.
It feels like an attempt at protection, but Rambo would not do
this. He is a very in-your-face, cards-on-the-table kind of guy. It
might simply be the little girl and her fear of being hurt for
remembering and telling, but it feels like more than that to me. It
feels like Old Guy is a 'human shield' of sorts. Someone very clever
is using him. Maybe it's the parts of me that hate this shit
because it interferes with accounting and homemaking activities. (I
call them Bob and the Bobness, but they are just states, not real
people - just me twice removed and dissociated all to hell. But can
'states' collaborate with the fear of a little girl? Use it as a
tool to further their own agendas? Can mere 'states' even HAVE
agendas? Maybe.)

New Guy, beware if you get any emergency calls or emails from me
between now and Tuesday. Unless I contact you because memories have ACTUALLY EMERGED via flashbacks, then I promise you that any crisis that crops up between now and Tuesday will be manufactured by whoever is causing this and they will do that for the sole purpose of creating a diversion away from the knowledge contained in this email. So you see, there has been a game of sorts going on in here. And now I have busted it. I'm serious - DON'T FALL FOR SOME CRISIS BEFORE TUESDAY (unless I remember). Don't play the game. The game has got to go. I need to get well. I can't give up more years of my life just to mop floors and watch the markets. Especially since the weight of carrying all this crap has me too fucked up to trade. AGAIN. We have to conclude this thing with Old Guy. I need your help to do that and I'm telling you, whoever is running this particular headgame might try to distract us away from this goal. WE CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN. Only some actual emergence of memory should be attended to ahead of this. Nothing else. We have until October 20.


Lynn, Rambo and Jenny

p.s. If catatonia were still a real danger, Rambo and Jenny would
not have allowed you this information. Just so you know.