I saw New Guy last night. He is not new anymore, but I still call him that. I went to my appointment and sure enough, in stark contrast to the desperate email I sent him Sunday morning, I was cool as a cucumber. Because I'm a great faker. I faked, but at least I didn't lie (much). He did know that all was not well with me. And I do like him. He has been kind to me and he seems to really understand what kind of things are not helpful to me. So why did I swiftly shut him down when he mentioned my mother's visit? Why did I keep the little girl locked up in a soundproof room inside my head when she needs New Guy and has begun to love him? Because she needs New Guy and has begun to love him. Too dangerous. Nobody likes a whiner and there are certain types of pain that could actually kill us. There are some things that I don't think we could ever live through again. He's not your mother, Little Girl. No one is. Drink your beer and shut up and we'll just call it good since you didn't do anything to make him yell at you and cast you out with the trash. Yeah, I know this leaves you face down on the floor in the basement, but you really need to grow a pair and suck it up, ya big baby. No one can stand you and that's just the way it is. The husband thinks we're high-maintenance because of you. Did you hear what New Guy said when I told him about that after I gave him the live demonstration with that pile of coins so he might understand how difficult it is for me to keep up with the basics? He said, "Well, you ARE high maintenance. You showed me how costly it is for you to do things." Don't be fooled by him saying that he didn't mean it in a bad way or by the fact that he might have sensed your need as evidenced by him patting our back to give comfort on our way out the door. I did not accept the comfort and *I* run this fucker, not you. He knows you are nothing but a needy little leech. Face it - you are nothing but a problem and NO ONE LOVES YOU. Don't you DARE ask anyone for anything. If you do, I will kill you. I will kill us all if that's what I have to do to take you out.