I'm still confused about therapy. I want New Guy to work out, but there are so many opinions inside that I don't know what to do. I'm tired and I'm hurting really bad. Yesterday was terrible. I dreamed that I had missed my appointment with New Guy Tuesday night. Then I realised why I dreamed it. I dreamed it because not ALL OF ME went. And the crying little part that did not go felt very left out and alone and didn't understand what was going on. I went back to sleep. I dreamed of Old Guy and I woke up crying. Then the teenage girl took over and I was forced to relive the betrayal of Old Guy and the terrible pain that still lives here. Why did he hurt me like that? How? It's because I'm bad and no one wants me. I ended up wanting New Guy. But I could not call him or email him lest I burn him out and he turn into Old Guy. I opted for the safety of my husband, but that didn't feel safe to all of me because there is the sexual element. I finally managed to go back to sleep by knocking myself unconscious with various substances. I dreamed of New Guy. I dreamed that he would truly accept me and understand what is happening inside and help me without hurting me. And then the little one cried for her mother (Old Guy). I found myself searching again for local therapists later on. I found one that sounded great and then I googled him and found his profile and reviews on Amazon only to find that he is a DBT fan. I am alone. It makes me want to die. And so I pursue chemically induced unconsciousness so I won't feel the pain.