p.s.

(Dear Dream Mother,)


The wine is gone. I'm drinking the last beer now. I finally decided to take some pills with it and knock myself unconscious. Hopefully, I won't feel the sodomy this time. I'm so sorry that feeling it all alone and not being able to talk about it does not make it 'extinct'. And I'm so sorry that I can't just make it go away. I got really desperate tonight. I called a hotline where I learned that I am supposed to be strong and not let these things bother me now. I really needed that valuable information. I cried for a really long time. I ruined my favorite shirt with snot. And I still needed to be knocked unconscious. I delayed making that decision just a little bit longer and searched out a self-help website where I learned that I am supposed to concentrate on other things. I HATE EVERYONE.