Sept. 2, 2009 - 9:49 AM
I haven’t been to sleep yet. I wasn’t going to drink. I didn’t get started till after 8 AM. I was afraid to take a shower. I did it anyway, but I’m still afraid to sleep. I shouldn’t be. I dreamed of you yesterday. It was a good dream. Jenny came to me while I was sleeping, too. She said that I’m okay and (by way of the Beatles) told me that all I need is love. Still - I have been traumatized by getting that urinary tract infection, injuring and re-injuring my upper abs, and then getting the flu. And then - wouldn’t you know - I started my period. At least my house is clean. It stayed clean even through the flu (it’s the Superwoman thing - same thing that convinces me that I am a powerful contortionist and can move furniture that weighs LOTS more than me and that the pain of torn muscles is of no concern). I need to go to sleep so I can get up and do the banking. It’s Wednesday now and I haven’t done that yet. Banking is a Monday job. I miss you. I miss you terribly. I sent you the email you wanted about the sleep recording a couple of weeks ago. The problem is that I waited kind of late and then I buried it in a mudslide of crazy emergency emails to the point that it became irrelevant. I wish I didn’t do things like that. I miss you so much.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Not being able to sleep is horrible. I don't know what I'm going to do while my son is in Canada for four months. I'll be here by myself and already I am filled with worry. I've already been drinking more.
ReplyDeleteWhen my son was little, I had to share him with his father. I held things together when he was home, but I totally lost my shit when he went away to be with his father. I would take pills, get drunk, and usually either end up in bed with someone or make desperate and sobbing phone calls to my friends until someone agreed to come and spend the night with me. It was awful. You wouldn't believe some of the terrible situations I woke up to on Sunday mornings. I had to race against the clock like a madwoman to clean that stuff up before my kid came back home. I totally understand, Lily. I think the need that kids have for their parents grounds us inside so we can take care of them. Then , when they are gone... god help us.
ReplyDeleteFor mothers like us, anything that effects the kids can rapidly turn into a nightmare. You're not alone, Mama. Maybe you remember this?
http://spillinginkinpublic.blogspot.com/2008/09/i-managed-to-do-shopping.html
Hang in, my friend. I really understand your distress.
{{{{{{{{Lily}}}}}}}}
Ah... I see you are trying to change it. So, my last comment is not so relevant. Is what you are experiencing the coming out of younger parts at night? If so, this is common (and something I experience) and very scary. I do some mindful relaxation and music and iPhone games and sometimes that helps. I also do take sleep aids. I don't feel bad that I do.
ReplyDeleteYes, it is a younger part at night. The little girl is very scared. Nothing seems to help. There is nothing wrong with you taking sleep aids if they don't mess you up. They make me insane. My father used to drug me.
ReplyDelete{{{{{{{{{{Lynn}}}}}}}}}}}
ReplyDeleteSounds like you have a great therapist to lean on.
ReplyDeleteWhen my husband goes out of town my daughter will sleep with me. I hate to sleep alone, although my husband snores sometimes and I go sleep in the guest room. I guess I know he's just in the next room though. My daughter will be going away to college next year and I won't have anyone to sleep with when he goes away.
ReplyDelete