Thursday, August 13, 2009

I don't feel well. The therapist is going on vacation for the first two weeks of September. I don't feel well at all. I feel desperate and I can't stop checking myself for signs of diseases because I feel really afraid that something bad might happen to me. I need him. I wish he was here right now and could come to sleep with me and nothing bad could happen. I wish he was really the mother for real. I feel scared and alone inside in a very bad way and I just want to be okay and I don't want anything to hurt me.
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10 comments:

  1. UnknownAugust 13, 2009 at 10:47 AM

    I'm really sorry you're going through this.
    {{{{{{{{{{Safe Hugs}}}}}}}}}}

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  2. lawyerchikAugust 13, 2009 at 2:39 PM

    Hey, EH - you're going to be OK. We're here, and nothing is going to get you.

    Remember that song from Steven Sondheim's "Sweeney Todd?" "Nothing's going to harm you - not while I'm around! Nothing's going to hurt you, no sir, not while I'm around!" (Not the musical itself - just the song!) It's a good song to sing just for comfort's sake, as is the song from "The Sound of Music" - Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens... etc.

    I know it sounds stupid, but it helps me feel better when I feel scared or alone to just sing songs like those.

    You are strong, and you have courage and heart, and you are going to be OK. Really.

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  3. AmandaAugust 13, 2009 at 5:29 PM

    ((((((Lynn)))))))

    I feel for you more than I can say. (I've reached a point where I sleep pretty good if another adult is in the house but I still have problems, like when husband is working night-shift.)

    What's your favorite bed-time ritual?

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  4. quacks like a duckAugust 13, 2009 at 6:58 PM

    ((((Lynn))))
    -e

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  5. Wanda's WingsAugust 13, 2009 at 7:21 PM

    Try to get that tape before he leaves. It really sucks that you have to feel so bad.I find a soft stuffed animal helps.

    ((((((EH)))))))

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  6. GraceAugust 13, 2009 at 9:34 PM

    I'm so sorry you're feeling such pain right now. I hear how fearful you feel about his vacation, and he represents safety for you, and I hear you saying you feel unsafe when he's away. Do you think maybe he can make your recording for you before he goes on vacation? Maybe that can help you some?
    Boy, can I relate to the feeling of wanting T to be my mother.
    All your 'blog friends' will be here to support you...I know it isn't even close to being the same...but you won't be alone.
    (safe hugs)

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  7. HarrietAugust 13, 2009 at 10:40 PM

    It's so hard when t's go away. They shouldn't be allowed to go away. Why isn't a rule that says they have to stay put?

    I'll be here, if that helps.

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  8. Ethereal HighwayAugust 14, 2009 at 6:17 AM

    Thanks, you guys. And I guess I will ask for the recording and I hope he has time to make it before he leaves.

    Amanda - my 'bedtime routines' are comprised of things designed to keep me from going to bed. No matter what sort of thing I try to engage, that's what it ends up turning into.

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  9. KahlessAugust 14, 2009 at 3:06 PM

    {{{{{hugs}}}}}

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  10. AmandaAugust 16, 2009 at 10:24 AM

    What do you do when you absolutely have to sleep?

    I have a series of "keep me safe" rituals, like leaving a certain light on and boobie-traps for potential intruders. Sleep quality is still very poor but at least I get some rest.

    Do you have something like that?

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