I've been horribly triggered by a urinary tract infection, among other things. I'm trying to hang on in the middle of a crisis. I'm too scattered for a full report, so here is an excerpt from the latest email fiasco with the therapist:
I don't know how much of it has to do with your vacation. It's hard to think right now. I went back to sleep and woke up with a urinary tract infection. I had to find my gynecologist and get him to call in some medicine for it and I just now took it. I'm afraid to go pee. I don't like pain and I don't like physical problems and I can't even take anything for the anxiety because I think the Klonopin I took the other day caused this. I've been fighting it off for days. Then I think it's because of sex, or stress, or having rearranged the energy in my house. Or maybe I am betraying myself somehow or not defending or protecting myself and my body is a copy cat. This type of physical problem upsets me a lot because of where it is. And I checked my old blog. The last urinary tract infection started on August 18, 2006. This one started on August 19. August is when the old burning privates problem was at its worst in 2004 when I visited the grandparents and stayed in the cabin at the lake and nearly lost my mind. Earlier this week my nightmares were about rape. I don't feel well. I'm scared and I don't know who to trust.
There is something wrong with August and it seems to have found me. Now I just need to get through this. I have felt this crisis brewing. I tried my damnedest to can it and head it off at the pass, alienate the therapist, and just generally dig my heels in. There is no escape.
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UTI can be a major trigger. I hope the medicine kicks in fast,so you won't have the pain.
ReplyDeletesorry to hear it. Get an antibiotic of course and also get some Phenazopyridine (Pyridium) which is available OTC at Walgreens, Wal Mart, or any drug store. That's the only thing that saves me when I get a UTI. It stops the burning feeling. It turns your pee red or orange, but that's harmless.
ReplyDeleteOuch, ouch. I'm glad you have some medicine for it now. I hope you get better soon.
ReplyDeleteUsed to have them for years, right along with yeast infections...ovary infections and something that ends in -ismus.
I'm so sorry about your UTI - YES! It is triggering...and I am glad that you have some meds.
ReplyDeleteYou're struggles right now are apparent and even if you can't see it right now, you are doing the best you can. In fact, I'd say you're you a hell of a strong survivor. Your ability to face things head on is courageous and admirable...and I do enjoy your no holds barred with the word "FUCK" :-)
~ Peace tonight....
Ugh. Hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are well on your way to haven gotten rid of the infection by now.
ReplyDeletexx.
"There is something wrong with August and it seems to have found me." Well said! Oh, how I can relate. All I can do is send healing vibes and (((((((safe hugs))))))
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