I haven't been getting around to many blogs. At least not to comment. Sometimes I just don't have my shit together good enough to comment. I was able to do the shopping, pay the bills, and apparently I can still navigate charts and make decent trades. Unfortunately, that stuff was only a small piece of my time. Or maybe it was actually fortunate, since I can't deal with much right now. Beyond those very basic things, I'm lucky I've been able to just eat, sleep, and bathe. Mostly I've been hiding out in the bedroom hoping no one will notice me. I was also able to send vehicles out for maintenance, and I come out to be with the kids for a little bit whenever I feel halfway normal. I don't like going out of my room at times when I feel like they might sense something. I don't want them to be saddled with anybody else's baggage.

I don't know for absolute certain why summer is like this, and I don't know if it has anything to do with the cellar, but my immune system likes to take this time to imagine that its services might be needed in a certain unmentionable place when they are not. I don't fall for it anymore. Not only because going to a doctor would send me completely off the tracks, but because it would be like all the other times and there is no infection and they can only make things worse by trying to treat phantoms. Only I can treat those. And not with something dumb like, 'Well, there are a few white blood cells, so you might be getting an infection, so take these pills and destroy your intestines with them.' No thanks. Clean culture, normal kidneys, no sign of pathology, just a very slight amount of white cells in the urine with very normal blood work. You're healthy, no big deal, but take these pills anyway in case of bacteria... just in case... Again, no thanks. I know how this works now and I won't take pills that will have me infested with candida when they are not necessary. I know it is a very minor thing that will pass fairly quickly on its own as it has before since coming to my senses. I need to find a way to help my body realise that the threat is long past. If there were a current threat like the old ones, I would promptly beat the dog shit out of it and leave it bleeding on the floor for the coroner to collect.

Dear immune system, I love you. You rock! You really do! And they are all gone from here. They would not DARE to threaten me now. I would pound the fuck right out of them if they did. And you can take that to the bank. That said, I appreciate your diligence, so keep on defending in real-time. You're so awesomely good at it. You do the present, and I'll do the past. Deal?

(Now I need to go figure out how to hold up my end of that bargain.)