Anxiety

1. Twin A, with her injured knee, has been the occupant of my former sanctuary since Friday. And she has not been back to school yet. The specialist cannot see her until next Tuesday.

2. My youngest has been out of school with the creeping crud. Again!

3. The house is messy because I'm having trouble keeping up right now and the husband has been working a lot, which requires more out of me as well. It also screws up my sleep (as if losing an hour to daylight saving time wasn't enough).

4. Not only do I not have my bedroom, the husband has taken over my kitchen table.

5. The combination of these circumstances has been screwing me up somewhat seriously. Being out of my room and the house being messy are especially difficult. Even the welcome change of weather adds to the mix with open windows, little need for heat or air conditioning, and the way outdoor smells mix with the indoor smell of a chaotic kitchen. It threatens to unearth things that I am not in a position to deal with right now. Things about the old hometown, and the grandparents' house and family members.

6. It really hit the fan Saturday; tried to kick down a door in my brain. I was stuck in my car in the driveway and unable to go indoors. The husband had to call the therapist.

7. Right now, I'm just trying to hang on as best I can and somehow navigate through this. I have no real choice but to quash it down right now, but I'm scared. Sometimes the feeling threatens to bubble up and then I feel sick. Scared sick. And like I should book a room at The Hyatt. Hello? Room service? Got beer? A Tucher Heffeweizen, perhaps? And can you bring me a loaded weapon with that so I'll feel safe in this strange place all alone?

8. I've only made it this far 'cause I'm da bomb, baby. That's right. It may not look, sound, or feel like it, but I'm large and in charge up in here. I'm good like that... Most of the time.