Sometimes I have to shake my head when I wander the 'net and see what goes on in the heads of others. Especially when they are abuse survivors. Maybe I'm just an odd egg. Well, that's certainly okay with me. I don't understand the constant ruminations out there with those who need to believe that abuse was somehow good for them and shaped them into something apparently 'better' than what they would have otherwise grown to be. I suppose it's somehow tied in with forgiveness and the mandate against anger. When people demand such things of themselves, then I guess they pretty much have to find some way in which abuse is less harmful than what it is. Well... if abuse is good for people, why waste time writing a blog about it instead of getting busy abusing some children?
I'm very glad I don't need to pervert reality in order to accept myself. I don't need to say that the abuse was somehow beneficial, because there is a lot more to me than an abuse history. Nor do I credit abuse with any of my accomplishments or better traits. I do not grow and accomplish because of abuse, I do it in spite of it. I do it because of all the good things I still have, and still am, that even torture could not take away. No god used abuse to sculpt me, I am not a butterfly... Jesus H. I could go on forever, but I need to post accounts paid. Thankfully, I have more than enough common sense to accomplish the task. Not because abuse gave it to me, but because it was unable to take it away.
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Abuse is evil - absolutely. But has it made me tougher? More empathetic? A better attorney for children? No the abuse hasn't. But I've used the experience and strength that ~I~ gained from the abuse to develop these traits.
ReplyDeleteif that makes any sense??
I think you know very well that abuse does not create strength, Enola. The blogosphere alone is the most eye-opening testament I've ever seen. I guess I'm just different and don't need to make abuse into anything that it isn't. It just is what it is.
ReplyDeleteMrs K is an extremely strong woman. This is despite her childhood abuse.
ReplyDeleteif she hadnt been abused and had been brought up with a happy childhood?
She would have been an even stronger individual.
She has healthy anger and realism too. If she hadnt felt the anger, then I doubt she would have been able to get where she is today.
This is a hard one for me. I agree with you. For me, though, abuse is tied up with poverty. I can honestly say that growing up poor contributed to who I am today. And if I say that about poverty, which is a terrible thing, then how can I throw away abuse? I don't know. It's confusing for me.
ReplyDeleteI like that: A better person despite the abuse.
ReplyDeleteI believe you are right, Kahless. For me, I think abuse stole some of my strength and I am using what I have left to regain some of what was stolen. So far, I have found honesty to be my strongest tool.
ReplyDeleteHi, Superlalady!
It's confusing for a lot of us. Poverty and being raped as a child are not the same things. I don't think it is a coincidence that trauma and poverty go together, though. Trauma robs people of their strength and zest for life and is often disabling to some degree. This brings poverty. I have also suffered poverty, but I never identified with it. I was not my poverty. Knowing that helped me to create a viable and successful financial life. I'm not Ms. Money Bags by any means (yet), but there is no poverty here anymore. And everytime I can wisely get some needed thing that makes our lives more comfortable and enjoyable, whether it is a round of goodies at Starbuck's or the new car I bought a little over a year ago, I thank myself for it. I thank that wise and honest place in my soul that held the strength that was not stolen and knew that I was not my poverty. I thank it and I bow to it and I marvel in its genius and integrity.
Yes, Amanda. I like it, too. Abuse does not make better people. Anyone who really thinks it does should be out terrorizing people to make the world a better place.
I don't know, Colleen. I cannot tell others how to live, but I would rather make meaning out of my SELF than out of someone else's crimes. I am not my abuse.
ReplyDeleteAs far as making meaning out of my suffering, I guess I prefer the honest approach. -- My parents abused me. That *means* they were child abusers. It doesn't define who *I* am. Only I get to do that.
I, for one, always appreciate you honesty. You know, this would be a great "discussion thread" for The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. You might want to submit it. Think about it. We have an edition coming up.
ReplyDeleteBTW: I like how this debate in comments is respectful. Way to go, everybody.