It's like I scared myself away and now I feel a little better.

I couldn't stay with being out of my room very much. I still like the idea of successfully moving my headquarters back to the kitchen, but I just didn't get there Monday. I wanted to. I tried, I really did. In the hell of the past several days, I have done everything I know how to do to try to help myself. I did the best I could, but the despair always seems to find me. There are things I need to do, but I've just been feeling too bad. Even the empty that protects me takes my energy. The crying place wants to suck me down. When the emptiness of despair caves in and I fall into the pain and the terror of the crying place, things are just not bearable. I put up with it for as long as I could and then I had to make it go away. My 'magic' had gone missing on me, so I had only one thing left to try to get a bit of it back. I didn't feel anything at first, still mostly don't, but when I saw what I had done, I felt a jolt of fear and horror go through me and then it was gone. And so was the crying place.