It is very difficult to find anyone who cares when your child is incarcerated and has civil rights violations visited upon him. Everyone acts as if civil rights are for everyone unless they are in prison. If someone is in prison, then nothing that happens to them is an emergency and NO ONE will respond.
Sometimes people in your personal life will also not respond even when you tell them what is wrong and they know you well enough to know that you are barely hanging on by your fingernails, trying so hard not to slip into the abyss. And then you fall and people get either indifferent or pissy about the attempts you made to hang on before the fall. Well, fuck people who get indifferent or pissy with me when I am just trying for psychological survival. I don't kiss ass EVER. And I never will. ANYONE in my life who is put out by my fear for my child and the misery it visits upon me is not my friend.
I was clawing for survival, no one helped me and then I fell. I will not apologize and I will never kiss any ass. Anyone in my life who needs to minimize my trauma can just suck me. I will be true to myself. I will never abandon one of my children into a dangerous situation because others need to minimize it and don't have the nads to support me. I'd rather figure it out without that kind of 'support'.
It hurts to be treated poorly by a 911 operator when you are trying to stop violence and need emergency services. It hurts to know that others think your son's life is not important enough to warrant a 911 call. It hurts even more when there is no back up in your personal life to ease that hurt. It hurts that one child's emergency brings you to your knees so you can't be fully present for another child. It all just hurts and no one cares.
I have felt disenfranchised before, but I was always at least glad to be an American. No more. The dream is over for me. America is a myth.
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