I haven't blogged much about it, because I haven't had much free time, but I have been doing a lot of work in my house for several weeks now. My main missions are replacing dysfunctional furnishings and matching new furnishings to function and floorplan, doing cleanings and repairs like washing walls and then patching little holes and scuffs and using touch-up paint. I had all the overgrown landscaping chopped down last week, beautiful new tiles will be laid in the kitchen in the morning, then new and more suitable carpet will soon follow (as soon as I can catch a breath). Organization and de-cluttering is something I have been spending a decent amount of time on. I really, really don't like having excess crap around, but a couple of family members in my house are packrats. Sometimes we have general life chaos, too. That only adds to the fray and makes me more disorganized on a personal level to the point where I can't manage the crap of the others in my house anymore. And so I have no reasonable choice but to clear the crap. No more out-of-control shit in here. My family must get civilized now. I insist. No more excuses. I have been throwing away a lot of stuff. I LOVE throwing stuff away and I've been on a roll lately.

Yesterday, I threw away a lot of my own things that were representative of people and situations that have damaged me. I threw away cards and mementos from certain family members and stupid publications that were recommended to me by my last therapist. I even threw away my only copy of the bible. It felt good. And then... Today is my birthday and I received a flower delivery from someone who I used to wish would love me. But she didn't really love me. She pretended to love me while she blamed me for things that have happened to me and for my reaction to them. She 'loved me' by telling me that I am mentally ill and need to be a fucking drug addict so the rest of the family would not have to listen to me about what our life was like. Fuck her. I threw her fucking flowers in the trash with the rest of the clutter.