The REAL Uprising has yet to come.

I had therapy today. It was so nice to share all my recent successes and wellness with someone who helped me find my way to where I am now. I am by no means in a perfect place, but I am in a much better place than I was and it seems to be holding for the most part. I think I had nearly given up hope that something like this could exist without dissociation, but something in me wouldn't let me give up. My therapist wouldn't let me, either. He seems amazed (without being truly surprised) at all of the recent good progress. I sleep at night now, tax time still stressed me out but I didn't cry or puke, I confronted my mother without inner backlash, I'm much less of a lush, I went out of town twice with very little anxiety and even had some fun, I have been able to keep working and reaching for a higher level of inner and outer organization, I ordered a new camera and bought the year pass to the botanical garden with creative intent, I agreed to speak with the girl scout troop and help them get their writing badge and today I told him about the writer's sites where I've been lurking for some time now. He knows what I would like to commence doing... and he thinks I can do it. Of course, I worry about inner backlash should I deeply engage with the ultimate forbidden activity of writing fiction again. But... this man, who has seen me with dirty hair, no makeup and wearing my slippers, who has seen me mute, seen me sobbing, spoken with me on the phone when I was out of my noggin... he thinks I can pull off the ultimate act of defiance. He believes in me. I asked him what would happen if I did get attacked again by the peanut gallery (inner critics/ parents) for what I plan to do. His answer? "Then we'll get through that, too." He believes in me and I believe in him, too. Better yet, I am starting to believe in me. I've decided to do it. I was born to commit ultimate acts of defiance anyway, so what the hell. It's who I am.



I heard this song from a couple of posts ago come on the radio on the way home from the botanical gardens and I felt like it came on just for me.

PLAY IT AGAIN, SAM!!