Not Like Old Guy

The teenager freaked out and tried to bail on therapy because she is TERRIFIED that New Guy might turn into Old Guy if somebody remembers something. And so... we quit therapy by email. Again. And then we were able to fall asleep because the teenager stopped freaking out. We slept and slept and slept. And New Guy was emailing me and calling my husband to check on me the whole time. He left a message that I should call him even if it's late. And he took my call at 11:00 PM and was not even mean to me for making him worry. Who does that? Now I am confused. I am going to my appointment Tuesday night, but I am confused. I don't know why people love me and care about me. I know I am A LOT of trouble. Why don't they just leave me? And what's up with New Guy? Why is he like this? Is he for real? I know Old Guy would not have called my husband twice to tell him that he is worried about me and invite me to call him no matter how late. He would not have answered my email like New Guy did. Old Guy would have either ignored it or sent a one-line reply telling me to contact him if I changed my mind. New Guy emailed to actually address my concerns and to tell me... that he loves me and cares about me and does not think it is healthy or safe for me to quit therapy abruptly and that we need to talk about it. WHO DOES THAT???!!! I don't know what to think. Maybe the teenager is not really so afraid of New Guy. Maybe she is afraid of the ghost of Old Guy. I feel like a bit of a freak for all this drama, but I can't seem to make it disappear. But I'm glad no one was mean to me. I didn't try to upset anyone on purpose, I just get confused sometimes because of the others. The little girl wants New Guy desperately, the teenager is deathly afraid of therapists, Rambo wants them all to be free to safely bring material to consciousness, Jenny watches and tries to support everyone and she and Rambo try to do whatever they can to support the body and... sometimes I just end up feeling like all of them are operating at my expense and the whole thing makes me feel like a crazy person. And then crazy things happen. Maybe someday it will stop.

p.s. Right before the shit hit the fan, I heard one of the girls screaming in my head. The voice was so high pitched and frantic that I could not tell which one of them it was, but she was screaming, "Get out of my room!!!!!!!!!!!"