I haven't been as functional as usual lately due to the dealings of the inner children, but I am on the rebound. There is other good news, too. Though I did delete a couple of posts specific to the little girl, I did it to keep things private and not to keep her dissociated. For me, this is a mark of progress. I am really trying very hard to work with the implanted shame around having needs and emotional expression, but it is hard. And yet... these things are still here and not gone. I'm working on them instead of dissociating. The teenager cringes (but just a little) at the next bit. And that is the why of it all. Why am I able to really attempt to face these needs? Because of love and acceptance. I know it's all in vogue to magically be able to conjure these things only from inside yourself, but I call bullshit on that. I'm finding a measure of peace in New Guy's love and treatment of the children. I think... dare I say it? I think he is teaching me how to really love myself instead of just proclaiming to from my intellect. How? He is teaching me by loving me. And this just makes me love all the more. And I don't just mean that it helps me love myself. I am getting some new feelings that I might have the first inklings of how to better love the people in my life as well. Right now it is just a seed -- the beginning of imagining how that might look and feel. Though already good and dedicated, I think this might end up being an especially wonderful thing for my marriage. I am so grateful that I found a clean and honest person of truly loving intention to help me. It is so hard for certain parts of me to trust, but I think it might be happening anyway and I am most grateful for the relative peace that I feel right now. May it live long and prosper.