Dear Therapist

I'm so sorry that I cannot email this to you, but there is a reason for that. I know you can access this blog without me knowing. I don't know how or why that happens exactly, but I know it does because you have told me you read links I sent you. I know you were telling me the truth because you told me what you had read. And yet you left no footprint on either of my site meters. I don't know how you are getting past the one of them, but you are. The problem is that I need to see your footprint because it reminds me that you are still here without me needing to call you like a big cry baby. I hope you read this and I hope you will let me know that you have. If you don't let me know, then I will assume that you have not read it (and I'm not sending a link, so you might not read it as I know you are busy helping others, too). If I do not hear from you on this, I will not assume that you do not care, I will assume that you have not read. I will do this because I DO feel love, care and sincerity from you and I love you back as well as you have shown yourself to be honest and decent. I appreciate that very much. I appreciate you and I love you. However, I have been having nightmares, am tired and afraid to go to sleep. Unfortunately, I am not Super Woman and I can't put it off anymore. I have to sleep. And I want very much to take you with me, but I can't right now. I have to take someone who cannot disappoint me or leave me (or leave no evidence of his presence). I believe I will be borrowing Adrian Monk's therapist for today. The second one, not the first one. It's nothing against the first one, but the second one was a major player in my favorite episode ever, 'Mr. Monk is Underwater', in which his therapist remained with him always in his head when he needed him very much. I love you, New Guy, but today I need Hector Elizondro. No offense AT ALL. Because I know you are not like those who came before you. Still, I needed your footprint and some inside are afraid. And I've been watching 'Monk' longer than I've been talking to you. And though relying on people and things that are not real is less helpful, it is also potentially less hurtful BECAUSE they are not real. Maybe you understand.