Okay, here's the deal. I tied one on, then I went to bed and woke up with a panic attack and can't remember why, then I got up and puked and had a fight with the husband (see the last paragraph of the last post). Now, in spite of the puking, I have downed some NyQuil because I want to sleep. I think I pushed myself too hard yesterday. I dissociated so I could go to the mall with my kids. I hate the mall. Plus I had to take care of something for my son. And I had to go to the grocery and I had to do some banking, too. I didn't feel good and I had to bury it so I could get things done, but it wouldn't stay down. It came up and made me pray to the porcelain god. Sucks for an atheist. But damn it, I'm serious about what I said to the hub and what I wrote in the last post. ALL of it. I'm tired and I'm going to sleep now. I damn well better go to sleep or there's no telling what I might swallow trying to make it happen. I just want to be asleep.

1. I know I won't swallow toilet paper like my dogs do. They think it is great sport to sneak into the can and chew the paper off the roll like it's doggie chewing gum. TP aside, everything else is fair game for me.

2. Last night I discovered that my portion of our health insurance is a few dollars more than my husband's because I smoke. I guess they don't care that he is absolutely HUGE and I have pretty bloodwork. This pisses me off for some reason.

3. I think I need to stop with Old Guy. I can't get into details right now, but his un-dealt-with stuff is messing with my head and causing problems where they do not necessarily belong.

4. And now I am going to give Blue Cross the finger, have a smoke and pass out.