Hey, New Guy! Thanks for ignoring my emails even when I'm feeling suicidal. Now I have Jenny hopping on board to actually predict my death. How nice. I NEED A WAY OUT OF THIS MESS. I DON'T WANT TO DIE.
If you actually give a rip, I'm here. (And I am supposed to talk to Gary Wednesday and I don't know what to do and I don't feel like I am in control of decisions of that sort.)
Blog friends, I'm tired. Maybe they are all the same. Maybe they are. I don't know, I'm still going to resist passing a negative judgement against New Guy, but we'll see. I will get out of this even if I have to get rid of all therapy type crap to make it happen. Do you know one of the things that makes me sad? I have recurring dreams about being in outer space with Old Guy and telling him that I want to go home to Earth, but he won't come with me and I'm too afraid to go without him. I am usually running out of oxygen in these dreams and see no other choice but to return without him. I usually wake up crying.
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I'm really sorry that you have to deal with this...it is frustrating and would make me angry. Try not to let them get to you. You have lots of other people who can relate to you and who won't make you angry. Take care of yourself.
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I wish it was as much about anger as it seems like, CC. It's about terrible and overwhelming pain and the fear of being left to die in it. It's hard for me to understand why therapy is the way it is and it's beginning to seem more damaging than being alone. I don't think it can help me. I REALLY wish I could have figured that out before hitting the freakin' bottle. And before being hurt more by my therapist. I have more problems now than I did before therapy.
ReplyDeleteThank you for caring, CC.
It may sound trite, but the only person who is able to master or domineer the angst are you - no therapist, no other. And the possibility to "help" you with this are very limited. I have no idea how "it" works, and there is surely no receipe. What I know is that angst can not be vanquished or defeated, it can only be held under control, and so minimized, caged. Cage it in.
ReplyDeleteTough shit around these days, I hope you can feel better somehow, no payne.
Caging it is what has caused this.
ReplyDeleteF*ck - bad idea then.
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