I need to cry to the internet right now because there is no one here. I feel so bad, so very sick. I was almost asleep. I want to be asleep so bad that I can't even explain it. But I get afraid. Sometimes it jolts me from my bed and I don't even know why. Right now I just hurt and I'm afraid and I'm trying not to throw up. Since I am barred via dissociation from knowing what this is about, there is nothing else to do but try again to fall asleep. I need so desperately to be asleep and I just don't know what to do. So I am bringing the puppy with the pink ears that Grace sent to me. Because someone knows. She knows. She knows what it's like to be so jolted and not be able to remember why.

I just want to be asleep.