I had to close the blog for a little bit and not allow anyone in. I had to get some peace from the crap that being too honest was starting to cause me. Wrong words were said in therapy last week. I became very triggered and the context became completely irrelevant. Thankfully, New Guy did not get pissed off at me for being pissed off and he did not ignore me. I guess we will be going over context Tuesday night. Thank you, CBT/ DBT PTSD.

For right this minute, I am fine. I am sitting here with a big red wine mustache and I'm finally drunk enough to wash my fucking hair. And this - this right here is why I know forgiveness is a giant crock of lying bullshit. I don't forgive. I never fucking will. I don't forgive because I am afraid to take a shower and sometimes have oily hair because of it. I don't forgive because it has taken all day and night to get up the fucking balls to wash my goddamn hair. I don't forgive because I cannot eat because food disgusts me. I don't forgive because I can't sleep at night and I'm afraid nearly every day. I don't forgive because it takes everything I have just to be able to go to the grocery store. I don't forgive because I live my life wishing I could be invisible so I wouldn't have to deal with the upset it causes me just knowing that other people can see me. Some things are unforgivable.