I took the baby that morning, and I sent my husband back to school to collect the twins. I kept them home for three days when I heard that the terror cell and the flight school were right here in Florida. The bastards. Who knew what else they were capable of? Fuckers.
I have an odd memory from that time. It doesn't exist congruently with what came right before or after. It stands alone (yes, I know I dissociated). I was in the backyard. I was probably picking up toys or bringing sheets in off the line. I don't remember what I was doing, but I remember that the entire country was a no-fly zone and I heard planes overhead. I felt the adreneline rush that comes with a panic attack, only I didn't have one. I felt my heart drop down into my feet and I froze. I froze. Then, I slowly looked up. I saw... U.S. Air Force F16s. I felt as if I would fall to the ground and sob with relief. I didn't (though part of me did), I went back inside instead. For some reason that feeling reminds me of the time I lost my passport in Frankfurt and ended up camped out in the U.S. Consulate all day. I was in a panic until I saw this as I approached the building:
It was this that made me see that I was already halfway home. Symbols can be very powerful and this flag is one of my very favorites. I still think I'm a lucky motherfucker just to have been born here. I LOVE it here. Like nearly everyone, sometimes I bitch. But being an American is one of the things that gives me hope. Like I have said before, in spite of it all, in some ways I am lucky.
Thank you for posting this. For me it was a surreal experience. Living in Boston, where some of the planes originated from, it was a tough day. I will never forget the F-16s flying over Boston for weeks.
ReplyDeleteI am a little saddened that I think, and I may be wrong, that as a country we don't worry about terrorism anymore. I think, collectively, we dissociated it all away. But, what happened was very real and I don't for one minute think that those who planned and executed it, aren't trying to do it again.
I do remember exactly where I was...I was pregnant with my daughter (she was born in January of 02). I was at work, sitting in my office when a staff member came in and said, "A plane just hit the world trade center." I thought it was probably a small commuter plane...and then a few minutes later she came in again to say that another plane it the WTC.
ReplyDeleteThis next part might sound a bit weird...well, you know me, so maybe it won't :-)...
My grandparents were VERY religious, like over the top - turn the other cheek - if God isn't answering your prayers it's because you are not praying hard enuf...kind of religion. And when My brother and I were @ their house my gma would read to us out of the bible. Freqently from the book of revelation. So fast forward 25 years and I hard this horrible feeling that the end of the world was coming. That sounds irrational..but it was SSOOO real to me. My son was almost 3 and I wanted to leave and get him - I called a friend of mine who's husband (now ex) is SSSUPPPER religious! And when he answered the phone, I said, "Thank God, I thought the rapture happened and I got left behind."
I will never forget how quiet it was. Like the world stopped.
And it saddens me that there are people "terrorists" out there who not only take an innocent person's life, but due it in the name of "religion" ? WTF is that about?
But let's go ahead and close Guantanamo Bay. That's a super idea!
I'd better stop now...because otherwise I'll get on some soap box about the slaughtering of innocence and the lifetime of after-effects and what I think should happen to all the fuckheads out there that have no respect for human life and freedom!
K -
I am also proud to be an American.
And glad we still have "freedom"...for now.
I too remember where I was. I was at work. It was so hard to continue the day. We watched the terrible news unfold on TV. I am so proud to be an American!
ReplyDeleteGood post. I remember to this day where I was - I was at work, in the beginning of a deposition on a real property case, in a conference room in our office building. There was a little side room, and somebody had a TV on..... I had the TV on 24/7 for about a week and a half, and then I had to turn it off.
ReplyDeleteVery well written. Thank you for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteI was on my way to work, I taught nursery school. My kids were in 4th and 6th grades. My husband works in Washington DC, and we live outside the city. I also had planes flying overhead for weeks. I had terrible panic attacks. A good friend died. It was a terrible day.
ReplyDeleteI watched a documentary I had taped tonight, of the last calls recorded of those in the towers to their loved ones.
ReplyDeleteI was at work when the planes hit; Mrs K called me and I went straight to a tv and watched everything unfold. I didnt believe it was real somehow.