I totally love Mago's last comment, which was, "?". I feel exactly the same way. I should probably explain.
Because of that day three years ago when my therapist didn't have any compassion for that raped teenage girl, and because of the nearly 20 years in and out of therapy before him in which I connected with no one, I get wary when I'm being bothered by dissociated stuff that I don't yet understand. I've been being seriously bothered. 'Tis the season. Also, the incident with my grandfather being ill and overdrugged in the hospital stepped on all kinds of crap. Plus, I have been writing fiction, which angered the inner critics and they came after me in a very mean way. It ain't been pretty.
First I killed my RSS feed in a fit of paranoia. I later posted a rant against mental health professionals and edited it many times, then I closed comments, then I opened them again, then I put on the comment moderation. Then I sent my therapist a link to the festivities and promptly had a meltdown. I thought I should take down the post. Then I checked my stats and saw that he had already read it. Then I took down the rant later. It occurs to me that I might really have PTSD and a problem with dissociation. Ya think?
Anyway, I did end up keeping the appointment with the therapist Monday evening. I think part of me was expecting him to yell or quit, but that is not how it went. Not at all. It went well and I think maybe, just maybe, there might be some hope for me yet.
Tuesday night promises something very, very special. With the permission of the other party involved, I will tell more about it after. And with any luck, I will soon be less flighty and can resume my normal visits in blogland.
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And have I mentioned that my husband is a saint? Did you know that you can leave your socks and shoes laying all around and still get nominated for sainthood? Well, you can.
ReplyDeleteIf money gets tight around there perhaps you could rent him out. Not like prositution or anything but as a lesbian, I have always thought it would be nice if I could rent someone's husband to do the "man" crap around the house. Like changing the lightbulb and moving the fridge and being the "yes dear" person on a crappy day. I would pay 12.00 an hour but he would be responsible for the taxes. Let me know.
ReplyDeleteTyler
Now I'm laughing some more, Tyler. I'm the one who changes the lightbulbs and moves the fridge.
ReplyDelete:-) We have a rather unconventional division of labor around here. And the hub cooks a mean dinner. ($12.00 an hour works for me as long as I don't have to shave my legs to be considered presentable for work. Oh - and I don't do yardwork. Too icky.)
Oh you had me laughing. Not in a mean way, but in a "oh I've so been there way." Especially the, put up the blog, take it down, close comments, email a link to T, take down post, check and see T's read it, panic, stuff. Oh the stuff we put ourselves through.
ReplyDeleteDo you think that there was part of you that wanted your T to see that post and yell or quit on you?
ReplyDeleteI was wondering why you haven't been posting - I read blogs via RSS feeds and yours hasn't updated in a few days. I thought you were taking some time off, but you have been writing! I have to go back and read your posts from the last few days.
ReplyDeleteI didnt pick up your posts cos I hadnt realised you had killed your RSS feed.
ReplyDelete