Friday, July 3, 2009
alternating between panic and despair
It feels like they are all dead. They've been gone. The girls, Jenny... even Rambo. I would be afraid that the body is dead, too, but it can't be because I am typing. In case my therapist does not answer... anybody... anybody out there who has the same kind of problems in any form... how do I get them back? Don't be afraid to suggest something. I just need... something. Anything. This feels like death. Empty, empty death.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I don't know if this helps, but look through the house for things that annoy you. like shoes not in a closet, or the hamper being full, or the beds not made, stuff like that. It places them with you immediately, (things that are not there cannot annoy you is the premis).
ReplyDeletejust a suggestion.
{{{{{{Auntie}}}}}}
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of you and I will flop my ears especially for you.
Marijuana. Never fails. Not always what one would call a positive experience or a healthy way of coping, but you know. It works.
ReplyDelete[Not that I would ever do that or suggest it because I'm all law abiding and such.]
They aren't dead. They're inside somewhere for some reason. You need to try to relax, at least get as comfortable as you can, and go inside and ask for them. Once you reach them, you can ask them what is happening.It will be okay.
ReplyDeleteDeep breaths. You're in charge of the body, keep it safe and as calm and relaxed as you can, okay?
ReplyDeleteChances are they've just retreated into the Inner Worlds for whatever reason. You can try being still and asking inwardly after them, or calling out to someone specifically. Or you can try to relax and just wait. Just wait. You're okay.
It will be okay.
It will be ok.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, all of you. I know why they retreated. I got mean because I was scared. I'm afraid because of the cellar. The little girl has the cellar and I don't. And she has the aches and pains and I threatened the body to make it be quiet and she heard. They all heard. During the day Friday, when I had to do things, the little girl was stirring in there. The fear - her fear of the celler and mine of her - kept trying to bust through and derail me. I wasn't mean this time. I just kept breathing and telling everyone that we are safe now. And I had ice cream. I still can't handle the cellar, but there is more to the little girl than that. Maybe I don't have to send her away to get rid of the cellar. Plus, I told her I know she is upset about it, but that I can't handle the details right this minute, but that it's not her fault and I still want her around anyway. She knows there is an appointment with the therapist Monday evening and she knows he will help. Nothing is trying to keep him out now. I was able to get started going through the bills so I can pay them and get myself organized a little bit again. I hope things will be a little better now, but I've still been getting scared. I'm not used to this level of anxiety anymore and my tolerance is low.
ReplyDeleteThey tell me it's called disassociation.
ReplyDeleteDunno.
"Squashing myself from the inside" sounds a lot more accurate.
((((((Lynn))))))
Ethereal Highway
ReplyDeleteTHE BEST THING IS KNOWING YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE NOT!!!!!! Finding something to hold on to always helps me. Always fight the dark thoughts and let yourself know you are strong! Hang in there.
I am thinking of you. Hoping you are feeling more in yourself now. I go through these cycles many times over even one day. I sympathize with you about how hard it is. Paul
ReplyDelete