Wednesday, May 6, 2009
It's Here. It's The Wall.
I guess I can't go anymore. I'm really tired and it's all I can do to make the kids' lunches for school. I can't seem to simplify. Something crappy is just not good enough for my nice babies. They like my homemade submarine sandwiches, tossed salads, egg salad... It feels like a tall order right now, but it's what I'm doing anyway. I guess it's good they're having the school's lunch on Thursdays and Fridays this month. I don't feel well. Tuesday was a battle to finish the things I needed to finish and those things were already feeling foreign to me, but I pushed on. Now I'm afraid of what Wednesday might bring. I don't want to wake up and not be able to get out of bed. It was almost like that Tuesday. It was hard. The little girl has been trying to run amok. It's been this way for the larger part of a week and I've had to bring the hammer down on it, but now I'm all out. And I sincerely hope it is not inappropriate to send a huge bouquet of flowers to one's therapist for Mother's Day. I really hope that is not inappropriate, because it's already done. Maybe some therapists wouldn't like it, but mine is special. I'm pretty sure he'll be okay with it. Even though they are arriving in the morning instead of closer to Mother's Day (she couldn't wait anymore). Sometimes I'm just not sure what to think about things. Hey - do you suppose that since the little girl got what she wanted at the florist she might not wreak havoc on my life and sanity? Like I said - sometimes I'm not sure what to think. Ah, well. Even when I can't get up, I can still watch the market on my laptop in bed. Maybe I could even read or something. Or maybe I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep... I'm so very tired.
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I wanted to send flowers to my T for mother's day, or at least a card, but I chickened out. Can't display too much emotion, you know ;)
ReplyDeleteI admit I often simplify when it comes to lunches. (But then again he's only 4-5 hours at school max.) I make up for it with other meals.
ReplyDelete((((((((((L))))))))))
I hope you are feeling more rested..
Simplifying (or the inability to simplify) is one of the biggest bugbears in my life. I think its one reason my house is always such a mess. I become overwhelmed by the need to be perfect or not do it at all.
ReplyDeleteI think you are really sweet sending the flowers.
ReplyDeleteI think you are a really kind and gentle person.
I am reminded as I walk pass "Jonathan Livingston" every day, if you know what I mean.
UK mothersday is in March. We have fathers day here in a few weeks.
I thought about sending flowers to my T too, but like Enola I was too chicken. I won't even admit that I LIKE her to her face...
ReplyDeleteI wonder if there's any way that you can get a little more rest... being tired makes everything so much harder than usual.
((hugs))
-else
I know exactly what you mean, Enola. You wouldn't believe what it is that I *really* wanted to do for him for Mother's Day. I couldn't though - I chickened out, too. I chickened because it would have been emotionally draining and I just couldn't deal with it. THAT would have truly had the child running amok. Too overwhelming. She loved the flowers, though. And so did he. I'm so glad.
ReplyDeleteI would do the same in your place, Amanda, but the twins don't eat much at breakfast because they are sleepy and they don't get home until after 3:00. In their case lunch is really important. I would give them the school's lunch everyday, since it's usually a hot meal, but it's just catered-in fast food and it wouldn't be good for them to eat like that every day. I would worry that they would start thinking that meals like that are the 'norm' and then proceed into adulthood with that attitude and end up with heart disease or something. Their biological grandfather (not my father) died suddenly in his early sixties from a massive stroke. I can't know for sure if it was lifestyle related, a hereditary predisposition, or both. I don't want to set them up for anything awful.
I have that same thing with some stuff, Lily. I know just what you mean! It can be paralyzing.
Kahless, I wish you could know what good it does for my heart to know that the Jonathan hangs in your house. I love that so much and it makes me feel so much closer to you. The miles seem to melt away. I smile whenever I think of it.
Hi, Else. Yes, tired truly sucks. I slept off and on all day Wednesday. I've not really been too short on my sleep. It's a different kind of tired, but it does drain me. Even so, the extra sleep helps me when I get like this. It seems I have no choice but to comply.