Seems keeping it entirely together was not in the cards. Damn rabbit holes. I think I'm back. Sort of. We'll see. I decided no beer sucks, so there is some beer again. Low carb beer, of course. I don't guess I can blog the disgusting details of this particular rabbit hole, as they're kinda gruesome, but I can give you the low lights. One of the nightmares I had last week kept hounding me. It goes with some nasty thoughts and images that have done the same since I was about ten years old. I did not sleep Saturday night. I was afraid. I lost my marbles on Sunday. I drank beer. I sent hate mail to the shrink. I drank NyQuil. I went to bed. I started crying. I rolled onto something hard and discovered it was the phone. Yes, I called him. He was really nice to me and I felt terrible about the shitty email. I also felt safe. I bawled my eyes out and then I went to sleep. I muddled through the next day, did shopping, started feeling a little better, but was still being bothered by the images. I can't tell you why (because it's gross), but it seemed to me that the only way to fight back was to have sex with my husband. I uh... chickened out. It was sort of in the middle and sort of before (I know that makes no sense to you, but it does to me). I chickened because... well, because this me right here typing is the only one who is allowed to fuck my husband. Pass the beer, eh?