My unconscious is tugging at my heartstrings and trying to pull me out of the sky. It's a pain in my ass.

After a week-long, depression-induced marathon of sleeping, some of which even took place at night, it's after 4 AM and I don't want to go to bed yet. I guess it's because I need to write this and share it with my {{{{innernets}}}}. I spoke with the beloved Dream Mother. As I feared, he has a family situation which seems like it will separate us a bit for a short time. He has had to postpone his vacation, as he kind of has his hands full. He is not seeing clients until Feb. 4, but he offered to speak with me anyway, even to schedule our regular appointments. Because I am mostly okay, we have scheduled for the 4th. Because he is sweet, he told me that his time is somewhat flexible under the current circumstance and if I need him before then, he will be able to schedule something. And yes, I will contact him if I have an emergency. After I spoke with him, I took a shower. It smelled like a good idea since I had not showered all weekend. Yeah, I was smelly. Afterward I slept a bit more. I dreamed. I emailed. And now I'm telling all of you.



Dear (Dream Mother),

I know you have a lot on your plate right now, but I can't resist sharing something with you. I showered and then slept some more after we spoke. I dreamed about you in two separate dreams. You were not the mother, you were yourself. In the first dream we were speaking on the phone and you told me you love me.

In the second dream, you lived here in FL. I stopped by to see you. You were home, but you were very busy and could not talk to me. I heard your voice, though. It carried through the house. I ended up chatting with your wife for a little while. Little children were playing and running all around us as we spoke. One of them asked if I was the woman you had been angry with on some past occasion. Strangely, this did not feel upsetting to me as it might sound that it would. Your wife showed me some of the house and I told her that I was surprised to see which house was yours because it turned out to be the one that I had rented for myself when I first moved to FL and that I had since sold it twice as the listing agent and now it is yours. I was both astonished and pleased by the coincidence. I told her how much I had enjoyed the house and how it had so comfortingly sheltered me when I lived there. I asked her to please call me if you decided to sell it because I might want to buy it and live there again and would want to know very quickly before someone else could buy it first. This house does not exist in reality as I stayed with my sister and then in a condo when I first arrived here, but I do understand the significance. Further, your house was next to a river. I went with your wife in a jeep to drive the lanes by the river. The river was high and some water seemed to have come over the banks to flood the sidewalk. It seemed remarkably clean for river water. I imagined people might want to walk barefoot through it. Sections of the sidewalk formed enclosed square walkways around some very pretty greenery. They were several bushes and they were one to a square. I want to say they were bushes that more resembled very small trees, but without so many branches. In any case, they were green and sparsely dotted with tiny flowers. They were beautiful. For some reason I thought they smelled of honeysuckle. The most surprising and striking part was the large and beautiful white flowers that adorned their tops. They seemed a little out of place, but they looked perfect. Almost too perfect. I woke up then. I have seen these same flowering bushes before in another recent dream, but I don't recall the dream, only the flora.

I have two basic thoughts about these dreams:

1. I am okay right now and I will wait until you can receive visitors. The sidewalk by the river is a nice enough place, but I will probably keep my shoes on.

2. I love you too. Very, very much.


Lynn

In the dream, he told me he loves me. In reality, he gave me something that I am experiencing as him being kind and loving toward me.

In the dream, he was home but not really available. I could hear his voice. In reality, he is otherwise occupied, but he is still here with me.

In the dream, I had rented that house and then sold it TWICE as the listing agent. I feel this is significant. In reality, he is sort of a 'rent-a-mom'. I had no home (inner shelter) of my own, so I rented his and he was very kind and generous. Then... things got a bit strange. First I 'sold' the shelter to the Little Girl. Then to the Teenage Girl. Then, when he messed up with her, I turned into... a vicious and angry sort who picked a fight at every turn. Until there was repair on a sincere and deeply emotional level. I think the repair is reflected in the dream by me not being frightened or alarmed in the face of the question asked by one of the children. I am encouraged by the fact that I did not feel distress in the dream until I thought of the possibility of not being able to buy space in the house. The only thing that really bothers me is that my unconscious seems to be telling me that I still need space there or I will be outside and still not be at home.

I understand some about the area down by the river, too. I don't want to, but I do. Those bushes are me. They are divided and isolated from one another. They seemed mostly healthy, but they were not fully mature specimens. Maybe they were if they were bushes. If they were supposed to be trees, then that's not good. I think the big white flowers at the top (head or face) might have been fake. Even if they were not, though they were strikingly beautiful, something disturbs me about them. Maybe they represent my ability to 'put a face on'.

The river is my unconscious. I'm not sure what to think of the water on the sidewalk. Tired now. I guess I'll go.