I don't know why, but sometimes I go from prude to sex maniac. I don't know why. I just don't know. It has, except for now, only happened once in the past several years. Strangely, it was early this year. And no, I did not blog about it at all. I didn't even tell the shrink until it was all over and two months had gone by with not being able to stand sex at all again. I sort of mentioned the incident really vaguely and quickly and then I changed the subject immediately. I would (sort of) like to understand this phenomenon, but there is a mental brick wall in the way. Don't panic, people. This will not turn into a smut blog. And if it sort of does, it would be tasteful, of course. Still... thank your lucky stars I am not organized enough to download my photo software. And if I get weird, you can always just ignore me.
Still, I find it odd that I wanted to have sex again after the nasty sweet and sour chicken incident which I mentioned in the last post about leftovers. And I can't believe I had the nerve to tell the shrink about the disgusting chicken that "tasted like sweaty testicles". I said that out loud. It was almost worse. I almost said sweaty balls. To my shrink! Ew. WTF is wrong with me?
The big thing that disturbs me right now is the clinginess factor. I don't know why sex makes me like that. It kind of bugs me when that happens. Clingy is icky. I don't want to be a cling-on, but... Okay - and when my poor, sleepy husband finally had to ask me to let go of him so he could sleep, I went and polished off a box of donuts and ate some candy. But... there was salad and fresh fruit in the fridge and some wonderful salmon steaks in the freezer. The donuts were stale and I knew that from the first bite. Maybe I should see if I have a fever or something. Or maybe... Maybe I don't care and I'm just going with it. (I mean the sex, not the gross food.)
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With bipolar disorder there are periods of hypersexuality. I hate them. I actually start getting aroused by porn and not just any porn but stuff like orgies and bondage. I haven't had sex in nine years and actually there's no chance that I ever will again. Most of the time I just really don't want to. I can't tolerate the idea of sex with someone I don't love, and I can't open myself up enough to love anyone on this Earth in that fashion. But I do think that this is in part why I eat when I shouldn't. Some of the same endorphins are brought about by eating "comfort foods" that are brought about by being romantic with someone.
ReplyDeleteI was panicing about the time you said dont panic!!
ReplyDeleteWithout prying - REALLY! - what I've read is that or****s can bring biochemical reactions (endorphins or something) that induce that type of response, so it could just be a biochemical high that leads you to react in that way.
ReplyDeleteAgain, this is just from what I've read about the subject but it's apparently completely normal.
Sometimes sex can be a distraction, take my mind off of other things. I don't dislike sex, though, so it's not as extreme for me. Maybe your subconscious is trying to get rid of some leftovers by creating new experiences, or at least by distracting you from whatever might be bothering you.
ReplyDeleteHi, Lily. I guess it could be an endorphin thing. I hadn't thought of that. I wonder why I am not drawn to exercise if I need endorphins. I guess that is probably a whole blog post, but my uncomfortable relationship with my body pretty much makes me choose between exercise and sanity.
ReplyDeleteNo need to panic, Kahless.
Hi, Lawyerchik. You can't type that word, either, huh? I'm glad it's not just me. Weird, though, considering the words I AM willing to type. I am getting the first clues that this whole thing might not be quite normal, but I don't know what to make of them, so I guess that is maybe a future blog post, too. Or not.
Angel, dumping off some rotting leftovers would be a fabulous thing. I am getting the first inklings that this might be somehow related to the problem of the leftovers. But I'm not sure how.