Thursday, November 13, 2014

Thank you to all who commented on the last post. Though I am bad at sharing my feelings lately, I really do appreciate those who have visited here. Today was very difficult. I've had a run of bad luck in a few different ways: REALLY big repair bills, kids catching sicknesses and/ or generating giant dental bills, I've been feeling alternately anxious and depressed, etc. The worst of it was today. I almost had a flashback in a dental office even though I was not the patient, one of my kids was. She was laid back in the dental chair, covered with a blanket because she felt chilled. Her mouth, of course, was open wide. This changed the shape of her face. Changed the way her lips looked. Reminded me of my sister dying in the hospital. Her mouth open and her lips stretched over the tubes that went down into her lungs from the ventilator that breathed for her until her heart gave up for good. My daughter's hair is not as dark as mine. It's a little lighter like my sister's was. She was covered with a blanket to her chin, like my sister in that bed. Those things and also a few triggering words contained in the instructions from the dentist that reached much farther back into my past, and I really felt like I was going insane. Like my brain was under enormous pressure and would crack my skull in order to leap from my head if only it could. But I didn't show it. I am an expert at that. Until I get home. I'm home.

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