Last Thursday I had an awesome moment of... I have no idea what to call it, so I will describe it instead. I went to pick up my kid from school. We stopped at the library. Then we stopped at a pumpkin patch on the way home at the urging of my kid. She wanted a pumpkin. And this was the perfect opportunity for a dissociative episode or the PTSD flashback from hell. Only nothing happened in spite of conditions for 'the perfect storm'. The pumpkin patch is a fall/ Halloween thing -- strike 1. The pumpkin patch was on the sprawling front grounds of a church -- strike 2. The pumpkin patch was out in the open in the weather and it was a stop on the way HOME where things are more contained and controlled by yours truly -- strike 3. But nothing bad happened. I didn't even think that it would or wouldn't. Nothing about any of that even entered my mind. And then I suddenly realized that I was indeed in the middle of 'the perfect storm' and nothing bad was happening. I was perfectly okay. Not panicked, not dissociated, just perfectly okay. I stood there and felt really happy and at peace. Not only was I okay, I wasn't even worrying about practical matters like chores, bills and the relentless ticking of time. I worried about nothing. Me and my kid went to the library and then to a pumpkin patch. I stood there in that moment and realized that THIS is what life is. It is libraries and pumpkin patches with my kid. She picked out the perfect pumpkin. If the kids don't carve a jack o' lantern, then I will make pumpkin seeds and baked pumpkin. I'll mash it and freeze it for pies.
For anyone who might still come here, I will write about the 'Parking Lot' portion of the post-title as soon as I can.
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Oh, I stumble in now and then. I think you had a moment of satori.
ReplyDeleteHi, Mago!! No, it was not satori. I know because I had to look up what satori means. :-) Since it means sudden enlightenment, it seems the wrong way to define it for me. It is more that I can finally get some peace from the things that used to intrude on me so much since I have worked through a lot of traumatic material that it doesn't compete for my attention as much as it used to. In any case, good moments are good moments. It was sure nice. Thanks for stopping in. I've always liked seeing you here. :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you! Looking for the other part of the post. :)
ReplyDeleteWhere is Grace btw?
Grace's blog is back up now.
ReplyDelete